2 .A.m

I see you with him, it really tears apart my heart. I knew this would happen, thought I was ready from the start. My element is yours and it reminds me of you. You made me smile even if only for a while, it was nice while it lasted but there goes my smile.

I search for the right one , the perfect one for me. Love just isn’t for me, I wish I’d wake up and see. Someone who shares my heart and interests. I want a chance at love but my heart is constantly broken. I’m always giving my heart up as a loyal token.

You were a perfect star that fell from the sky. Nestled in my heart, you kept it alive. Took my heart upon a one way trip, but you wandered off with it. Your smile and eyes brighten up my soul, your very precious but my heart isn’t whole.

I’ve fallen from grace, took a bullet to my heart. I’ve loved and I’ve lost, I never count the cost. The risk I put my heart at every time. My heart shatters into a million pieces . I watch them falling in slow motion, I pray you’ll find peace of mind . And I’ll find love another time.

My English essay for School on “Why Education is Important.”

The Oxford School Dictionary and Thesaurus defines Education as “ the training of people’s minds and abilities do that they acquire knowledge and development skills. “ But is that really what education is? People can be educated in different ways apart from the worlds standard. Just because one was not formally educated doesn’t mean one isn’t smart. But nonetheless we need formal education because it is a essential in life. Our world leaders need to know how our world is changing .
Education is very important because our world is constantly changing and we need to be aware of these changes. Scientists are educated people who study science and our changing world. Politicians are leaders who make decisions, with these examples one can see that education is important for employment, they go hand in hand. If one is educated in a certain field one should try to excel in it.
Our world is always changing, the way things work, geographically, droughts and global warming are some changes that go on in our world. The more we know about our world the more we know how to preserve it. This is where education comes into play. The more us humans learn the more our knowledge increases. The more our knowledge increases, the more our knowledge of the world increases.
Humans are social creatures, we socialize mostly with people we have things in common with. We go to school and find our “group” or “type of people.” We help one another out, especially others who are like us . But what if we don’t know who we are? Some people define themselves by their academic achievements, or status in life. How we are educated gives us a status . We are defined by what we do for a living and that’s how some people judge us. Based on how we were educated.
In conclusion education is important for the three main reasons: we need to know what goes on in our world and how it’s changing. We need a place in this world. Every job ( that is legal) helps it’s changing world. And it is all thanks to Education.

Candlelight🕯

Inside of me there’s something that is alive. A flicker of light by which I shall survive. I look to it and it burns my tears, all my anxieties and my fears.

This light is small but soon turns into a fire, nothing I can do to keep it contained. I take the blame and get swallowed in my shame, my lord and savior how mighty his name .

But I’ll keep my candlelight alive and burning, light it up light it up I’m not returning. To the dark place where all my fears lie, to the place where my soul nearly died. My candlelight.

Garden

Inside of me something’s unleashed. With time it’s slowly being revealed. Slowly opening like a flower. The beautiful flowers that are the garden of my soul.

You mean a lot to me but I can’t keep playing this game. I hide behind masks to stop the bleeding. They hide me from others. My vulnerability and my feelings all string together.

Things happen for a reason, but you are my reason. It’s like magic when your around. Every time I behold you my love is greater. But I’m also scared. The hurt I feel aches my heart. I cannot tell you nor can I keep it within me.

Pain is a secret when hidden, but once shown it can’t be forbidden. The garden of lost things and the Garden of lost love.

Poetry

Kaleidoscope

Your my kaleidoscope, don’t know where I’ll go, without you in my arms.

You’re the light that shines in my dark. You shine through my darkness, no I don’t deserve it. I love it when I see you.

So much colors your so colorful, and your so beautiful, you got my heart you know. A kaleidoscope full of colors you’re so different from the others.

Your running through my mind, can never get it out. These colors fill my head. I live when your around. All of those kaleidoscopic colors, they define you. I’m begging you to never change your color, stay different from the others. Your my kaleidoscope.

Quote of the day/Poetry

Emptiness is a bad feeling, keep looking for the thing that fills it ~Solani John

Hollow

There’s something inside of me, a space to be filled. I don’t know how I survive like this, guess it’s just by pure will. The inside of my soul is hollow like a tree, that space needs to be filled by someone who isn’t me.

I plea for peace of my inner self, need something or someone to guide me, need someone to help. I’m empty inside but you fill me up, your are my source my one and only love.

This earth can feel lonely, and the walk I do on my own. Gotta just keep moving, this space will find its own. A hollow space is what I feel I need to be filled, I need a peace or else I won’t stay still.

I’m hollow and I can’t keep silent, my soul is in a war it’s utter violence. Me and my thoughts going toe to toe, my thoughts shoot my soul, with a quiver and a bow. Anger, anxiety, depression they all shoot my heart. I’m want to be filled I need a new start.

Poetry

Toxic

Your contagious, like a disease that never goes away. Toxin that infects my soul, tearing it apart it was once whole. Can’t stay away from you, spreading your lies and deception.

Pretend like you care, I won’t be entrapped. Won’t entertain you, a waste of space. Your intentions aren’t good so please stay away. Don’t take it personal that I’m keeping you at bay.

I loved and I hate, now I’m tryna escape.Nothing lasts forever but you’ve had my heart. Your decomposing my soul and inner being. Medication is what I need for what you did to my soul, your a toxin and you impaled my soul.

A song idea (I wrote it)

Verse 1

I’ve been drowning in my lovers arms.

Thought she could keep me from harm.

But she said I’m leaving so you gotta be strong. Wow that’s another one gone.

Pre Chorus

I want someone who loves me just for me. Im not as strong as I seem

Chorus

I gotta be strong, strong, strong, hold on.

I gotta be strong, strong. Gotta me strong hold on.

Verse 2

Love is a funny game that I have played, I left and not much has changed. You have to play with the cards your dealt, but sometimes I need a cry for help. Can I stay strong through the midst of this storm. Heaven help me I can’t hold on for long.

Pre Chorus

I want someone who loves me just for me. Im not as strong as I seem

Chorus

I gotta be strong, strong, strong, hold on.

I gotta be strong, strong. Gotta me strong hold on.

An addicts Journey

Drunk
I try to run away but I trapped in this game. Everything’s outta control, everything’s insane. The pain I put him through because I know what I’m ought to do. I need it! I want it! Is what I scream, everything is bursting at the scenes.

I’ve said this prayer many times before, Lord take my heart and make it like yours. I’m torn, sometimes I wish I wasn’t born. Every time I do it and say I get scorned.

Everything’s crashing and it’s all burning. I’m going to a place where there’s no returning. I need to beat it and get over it.
Sobriety is the key I need to quit.

Getting clean is a need and a want. My restart starts today, it’s time I move on. Get out of this trap, there’s no turning back, I have to do what I have to do.

Live my life the best way I can. Ashes as my old life burns. I don’t know where I’m at, but I know where I going. Being clean is my new life that I’ll be showing .

Poetry

Drowning Shadows

Do I lock myself in or do I open up?

Do I really matter or just someone who isn’t loved? I feel lost in this world with nowhere to go or a place to call home.

I’m drowning in my shadows- shadows that close me in. Would I really rely on a whim? Would I close my door in give in to someone, whose never felt what I’ve dealt with before.

I try to imagine someone closer , someone who loves me for me. I’m tired of searching, I’m lost in this sea. A sea of shadows which I cannot escape. Love , anger, depression, all of it I hate.

No one understands me, I’ll perish in this shadow. My life falls down just like any old sparrow. An arrow has pierced my soul and inner being. No one understands my feelings.

The more I give in and drink, is the more and more I drown. I feel lost and I can’t be found. Shadows surround me and I’m cast away to the ground. I’m drowning in my shadows.

Poetry

Sober
There’s a problem deep inside that doesn’t go away. I want to let go, let go of this weight. It’s been haunting me and I seek help. Its the worse feeling I’ve felt.

The weights on my back and I can’t get it off, then depression seeps in, The cuts and bruises they begin to sink in. I need to fight this problem, I need to win.

Get away from me! there’s to much pain, I have a life I need to reclaim. Make myself a name and put this problem aside , I must stop my life from going awry.

I’m not gonna give in, I’m gonna say no. The devil shoots his arrows they hit me like a blow. I must depend on Jesus and let this problem go.

Poetry

Behind the scenes

The truth is I’m scared and afraid of being abandoned, I used to it it doesn’t happen at random. I care for you I’m not sure in what way I do.

I’m used to having to be let go or of people letting go of me, this life isn’t easy if only others can see. It’s hard for me to tell you all my thoughts, every time I try it seems like a battle lost.

I’m counted the cost, is losing this friendship really a lost. I’m scared you hurt me, again and again, memories of the past stay the same.

All this pain I wish that I could put it away, I’m scared to love and to lose all my gain. Nothing is the same ever since I started feeling this pain, I’m scared to lose you , I’ll never be the same.

Poetry

Not ready to see you go

Is this your will, to take a innocent person away? Why would you do that, just let her life sway? It’s your will not mine.

The pain she endures I cannot bear it. I try to run but it’s lingering there. I know it might not seem so but I’m really scared.

I don’t wanna lose her she is my mom.

God please don’t take her, let her see who I’ve become. I’m not ready to let go of her. I feel lost and distraught, is this a lesson I’m being taught.

I’m sad to watch you wither away. I feel horrible watching you go, but I will always remember a life that’s been loved. One day we’ll soar to the clouds above.

Poetry

My Mother

I’ve spent nights to far from the stars✨

I’ve spent nights far from your heart.

A person taken away from me, how many nights have I cried myself a sleep

As I always say “ Things aren’t always what they seem.” Seems like this was all a dream

I’ve also wondered why God took her away , if it wasn’t for the cancer she’d been here today.

Why God did you take her away, but let me trust in you today. Give us strength to carry on. Trusting we’ll be heaven bound, so we can see her again our beautiful mom.

Dedicated to Valerie Pryce 🌹❤️

Deep Down #Poetry

Somewhere deep down there’s a whole

So deep. Underneath all the scars, and all the facades, is just another damaged heart.

Underneath the mask which people always see, is a depression that makes me weep. I hide my tears and try not to cry, everything in my life is going awry.

There’s no more tears left they’ve all dried. My deep depression died inside.

Now I feel peace it’s made me whole.

Now I can say it is well with my soul.

Poetry

My mistake

You remind me of where I went wrong.

Twisted and tied feelings I can’t be strong.

Why did I get involved, all I see you as is my mistake.

I might’ve broke your heart, told you I never loved you from the start. It was all just a game that brought many pain.

I have problems that need solving. But your not my Sherlock Holmes her to solve em. I made a wrong turn I’m trying fix it. But it seems like you don’t know when to quit.

You claim you love me, the feelings not mutual. I don’t really love ya and I don’t wanna meet ya.And I don’t really need ya. I’m running because I know what’s coming.Fights and problems and we don’t need to solve em. Your my mistake.

ASHAMED by guest writer Skyla Hodge ( Revised)

I wake up every day and I’m ashamed.

Ashamed that I’m not going to fit the standards that have been made.

Standards that are created to make people into what they should be portrayed as.

It is said that 94% of girls have been body shamed.

To be thin and beautiful as society has portrayed us to be as.

Unfortunately, Teen boys and men are subjected to thoughtless opinions and hurtful comments made as well.

We are being forced into this shell.

When I look in the mirror and say to myself “my waist are too wide.” “my thighs are to small.”

I wonder how do I change this?

A diet! That’s how I end this all

So, I starve and starve myself until I fall.

But they are still laughing and commenting, I must be doing something wrong.

I go to my last resort,to invite my two friends that have been waiting this long.

Every time I eat and feel like mushroom,

I run to the bathroom, and now I’m hungry again.

And empty inside.

Now this process it repeated times and times again.

But this time I go down a slippery slop,

To a point where there is no hope.

I guess that’s why they say a diet is actually a “DIET”

Now I know that your friends make who you are.

Now that I have seen the light,

I want all of us to be who you are.

I guess that makes it all right,

That beauty is always on the inside and out  .

The Cure of Fat shaming.

Let’s be real for a second we know fat shaming its wrong but we still do it.

It maybe to others and it might just be to ourselves.

Either way it’s wrong.

Words do hurt. They have a way of persuasion, a way of manipulation.

Making one feel like they are not worth being on this earth and can possibly lead to suicide or depression.

There is only one cure for fat shaming and that is to love yourself.

Just like in every single Hallmark and Disney movie love can break any curse.

So, learn to love yourself, learn that God gave you your body and that’s what you’re working with.

Learn to love every curve, every line, every dump and lump, and only then you can be cure of fat shaming.

The Disguise #Poetry

I’m so reliant  on it, why can’t I quit. I’m always messing up always doing this.

This here’s a stain on my life that refuses to come off. Life’s so hard why can’t it be soft.

Livin in sin, I let the devil in. Now he’s got full control no, why can’t I just let this go.

I want a good reward but I ain’t pushing for it. I keep telling myself “ Yeah soon I’ll quit.” Gotta make a effort or my soul will be lost, If it is then why Jesus died on that cross.

I know I’m not the only one who makes mistakes. My heart ain’t that cold to break.

I put on a act instead others can’t see me. They see the one who I pretend to be. Honestly I know its wrong but you see, I do it anyway this ain’t who I was taught to be . I need to stop acting and be who God wants me to be. I’m going to let God work his way through me.

#Poetry

Let go

Sometimes it’s best to let go, my heart just took a fatal blow. I thought things were gonna be alright be I guess they lost sight. I wish we never met, I wish I never had a heart, I wish I never had feelings for you from the start.

My hearts now shattered when I hear about you, also when I see the things you do. I hope and pray that you see this through, wish I never got attached to you.

It’s hard to let go but that’s what I need to do. I remember all the moments and memories I had with you. This is hardened my heart right from the start, my hearts broke and it’s all on your part.

I’ve been abused my heart that gives only love. Wish God would take me to clouds above. It’s hurts at first to let go, but I know my heart will someday heal from this fatal blow.

Hi. # Poetry

It all started with a simple hi.

Now maybe it’s time to say goodbye.

That one conversation changed me forever.

I wish we could speak and put all the weirdness aside, I never shed a tear to cry.

But I shed my tears on the inside, I wish I did things different than when we first talked.

I wish we could be friends, but that’s a friendship lost. I wished that before I had counted the cost.

I struggle to live happily every time I see you, but the memories will last forever of when I first met you.

Why? #poetry

I’m scared , afraid my love may be fading . I just want V-Day to come, my heart beats like a drum.

Why is my life so hard and complicated. Why do i think this is a passing attraction

Why do i love everything about you. Why are your eyes so beautiful. Why director laugh warm my heart. Am I really in love like from the start.

Why is my love so boundless for you I wish that I could see it through. Why do i love you, why do i get jealous when others are around you

Your eyes your smile makes me warm inside . It just feels like I caught feelings . Why when I look into your eyes i get lit up like the 4th of July.

Why is it that I’m trying it’s because I love you till the end now I wish we we’re more than friends

I want the girls opinions on this in the comments 😏 #poetry

Girls

I just don’t get em, is that a crime. Sometimes it’s best not to say what on my mind. I guess you have to give them some time. See if eventually they’ll change their mind.

So complicated give or take. When your leaving there always late. No guarantee they stay with you anyway. One minute their glad then upset. Oh my gosh girls is too much stress. One minute they love you, then they don’t.

Next minute they blow up your phone, then when you call you get the dial tone. I often am curious as to what they think about. Sometimes sappy faces always ready to pout. I guess then I’ll have to wait  til their ready to go fix their face. Who am I to judge we might do the same thing. The difference between queens and kings. 👑

“Why are you here?” #poetry

Why are you here?

Why are you here?  Why do you sleep in and try to blend in, are you here to be different or to fit in? 

Why are you here? When you see life is rough? While others cave in when life gets though. 

Why do you get up every morning, what is your goal?  Everyone has a story that needs to be told. When we grow old our kids will have dreams to. Yeah life is tough but how tough are you. 

Why are you here, are you just gonna be soft? No you are here to achieve what you set out to do, you are here so you can push through. Your purpose is to inspire others they’ll be inspired by you. You’re simply here just to be you .